Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Why Loving is So Easy

I am no saint. I am the furthest thing from one. Selfish, needy, and constantly looking for situations that can benefit myself, I can honestly say when the going gets tough, I get going. All that being said I have an undying love and compassion for others. Before you write me off saying those are complete contradictions and accuse me of wasting your time to even read this far, give me a chance to explain myself.

Let me start with a story. I have this friend. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Jay. Jay is a big-hearted guy, but he often calls me obsolete an analyzes what value I have to him and when the opportune moment would be to toss me away. I know he jokes about it but sometimes I wonder. He is one of my close friends and genuinely love spending time with him but I don't always feel that way. One night we had just finished dinner and as usual he started unloading his emotional baggage that he usually suffers from due to his mild-depression. Normally I greatly appreciate this intimate moments finding myself with tender patience and compassion. I usually feel blessed when he trusts me enough to reveal a deep part of his life that can bring us closer as friends. This time was different. I felt emotionally drained, also frustrated that he was still always talking about himself and stuck on the same issues. All of a sudden I felt annoyed that he was ruining my mood and bringing me down. I felt helpless to provide my friend with a solution because no matter what I said he still struggled with reoccurring problems. I couldn't help but ask myself what had changed.

I stopped loving him. My worth as his friend was determined by how much I could solve his problems or how happy I could make him. I saw that I was failing, so naturally it upset me. Jay was struggling, and even though I can pretentiously claim I wanted his peace of mind for his own sake, it was truly for my own so that I could stop worrying about him. I no longer wanted him to be happy for himself; it was for myself. Again I asked myself what had changed. How did I go from self-less to selfish.

I did not have the capacity to love him because at that time I did not feel loved myself. I was feeling a bit lonely at the time and began to wonder if I had any true friends. My insecurities often spring up out of nowhere. I guess it is something I still struggle with. As I stated in my testimony in the about me section of this blog, when I truly knew and felt what it meant to be loved I wanted to share it with others so that they could have what I had. Loving others when I was loved was easy. Love was my emotional food and I had a surplus, so giving it away was the easiest thing in the world. I was handed a pot of food to give to the hungry so that I could reap the benefits of the illusion that I was charitable without having to go through the trouble of preparing the food myself. When I ran out of food for myself, I no longer had any more to give. It was impossible for me to share my food when I was emotionally hungry for the same love and affection that Jay so desperately needed, more so than I did.

Loving others should solely be for their sake. If seeing them happy, as they turn their back on you and insult you, still brings you joy then you are doing it right. If love becomes a chore where you feel unappreciated or feel that you deserve something in return then you may be in need of some loving yourself.

We all need love. Loving is easy when we have it, but near impossible when we don't. If you try to love when you are not ready you will get burnt-out and exhausted. Love yourself and take care of your own needs first and foremost before you reciprocate the same to others. Personally, I turn to God to receive his abundant and perfect love so I constantly find myself replenished when I wander astray and grow too hungry.


  1. for a second, i thought i was reading my diary from last semester. i went through a pretty identical situation as you -- felt emotionally and physically drained from having a close friend constantly pour into me. and before i knew it, i began to avoid that friend, even at the cost of our friendship. once i started doing this, i began to avoid people as a whole and began to dig a hole of loneliness for myself that slowly but surely began to grow deeper. when i was finally on the ledge of a down spiral i questioned how and why this happened. it was then it hit me -- i couldn't show love for others because i didn't feel loved. i couldn't share God's love with my friend because God's love wasn't present in my life. but through the hard way God taught me how much we need his love and that true love only stems from God alone.

    i don't really know you, but i can tell you write with a genuine heart.

  2. Thanks for sharing friend!

    It's hard to admit how selfish we truly are and how one stress in one area of our lives can dig a hole through the rest of it. By His grace I am glad we both came to realize how dependent on him we truly are. I hope both of you have understood, forgiven, and learned from the past and that both of you are doing well!

  3. One has to decide if Love is a subject or an object: is it something we would like to have or is it something that moves us to do something? Some like to say that Love is a verb. Whatever love may be.... its existence has dependency. Keep practicing the "Art of Love" and God's love will translate well in your life.


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